Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
