I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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