I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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