i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
