The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
