you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
