I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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