She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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