i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
