I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
