I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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