Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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