I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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