Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
