i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
