Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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