It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
