You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
