I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
