i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
