It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
