Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
