just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
