I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
