Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
