Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FUCK WHALES
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