my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
