I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
