dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
