Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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