I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
