I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
