Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
