I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
