we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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