i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
home. puking in laundry basket.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
