So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
