I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
