have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
