Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
