phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
