What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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