Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
