I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
