3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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