Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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