I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
