I think my vagina is haunted
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
