Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
