Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
