God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
